If I were president of the universe...

Here's what I wish people would stop doing:

1. On the highway, I wish people would stop coming up right behind me, so close that if I had to slam on my brakes to avoid something in front of me, they would come crashing right into the back of my car, where my child sits.  I especially wish that they would stop doing this when I am in the slow lane, or in one of the two slower lanes, when there is plenty of free highway space in the faster lanes.  Several times in the last week, I found myself moving over into a fast lane so that the impatient driver behind me could zoom past in the slow lane.  Dude, pull yourself together; if I am going the speed limit in the slow lane, and you want to go faster, pass me in the fast lane.
[As a related aside, I just wanted to add that before I had a child, I thought those "Baby on Board" signs were just cheesy and annoying little "Hey everyone: I've got a baby!" advertisements, sort of like those "My child is on the honor roll" stickers.  Now, I realize that they are a plea for sanity, saying something more like: "Dudes, WATCH IT.  I have a baby in here."]

2. I wish clothing manufacturers would stop making super low-cut jeans.  First of all, I don't like wearing them because of the muffin top situation, but second of all, and much more important, in my classrooms, the desk-and-chair combo seats that the students sit in have a little cut-out right in the lower-back area of the seat.  So, when all the girls wearing super low-cut jeans that reveal some "coin slot" (thanks for the term, Becky) sit down, they are in seats that frame the scene for all to see.  I often have my students doing collaborative work while sitting in small groups, which means that they often move their desks into little circles and clusters around the room.  It's like a sea of slot machines in there, people.

3. At the neighborhood park, there is this one woman -- I can't quite tell if she is a nanny or a grandma, but she is often there with a couple of little kids -- and I wish she would quit it with her nasal yelling.  She has this really nasal-y voice, and she sits on a bench in the sun, yelling at the kids she watches to play nice or be safe or come eat their snack in a minute, yell-gossiping with the other moms about people in the neighborhood, etc.  It's all sort of "performative talk," if that makes sense -- none of it is really necessary communication, but it loudly performs the fact that she is taking care of the kids, and that she knows everything in the neighborhood.  It is getting tiresome.

Thanks for listening.  What's bugging you lately?